The Intimacy Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good too).

B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , leading to effective sensations of attraction, enjoyment, love, closeness, and well-being .

When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They most this likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that a number of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males especially in cities, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. Lots of gay males wish to discover from the starting if a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

North includes, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow gradually.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, worths, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!

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