The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormones and the Brain

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings immense significance and consequences.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready too).

B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to extremely difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , causing effective feelings of attraction, excitement, love, well-being, and closeness .

When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They most likely would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that much of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay guys Recommended Site desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".

North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow gradually.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!

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